29, 30, and 31 July

Saying goodbye.

I cried for about 5 days.

Starting on Thursday, I began going around to each village to say goodbye to all of my students, the parents and friends that I had made. I went to Pancho Mateo, Tamarindo, Chichigua and walked around my neighborhood. I really cannot describe the pain that came from saying goodbye to mi gente. Will I ever see some of the again? Will they remember me? Do they miss me? Do they know how much I miss them? Even if I go back to visit, it will never be the same. I will never live there and be a part of their lives as I had been once. I won't get to watch our kids grow up as I had when I saw them almost everyday. I won't get to be a part of all the stories told. I was saying goodbye to a life that had been mine for 3 years.

I spent about 2 hours in each village going to each house of the people I knew. I stayed in some houses for a very short time, just enough to say goodbye and hug everyone. I stayed in some for a long time, not wanting to believe that this was my last time to sit there with them for a long time. I cried with almost every hug and cried harder when they would cry with me. Oh gosh, it was heartbreaking. Painful. Sad. By the end of it, I had nothing left to stand on but the promise that Christ is with me always. I had no emotions left. I had no strength left. I had nothing. I had left a life behind me and hadn't yet reached the new life in front of me. I had nothing but Christ.

"Amaziah said to the man of God, "But what shall we do for the hundred talents which I have given to the troops of Israel?" And the man of God answered, "The LORD has much more to give you than this." (2 Chronicle 25:9). This was a verse that carried me through pain. What, Lord, will I do with the love that I have given these people? What will I do with the parts of me that I have given to them? What will I do with the years that I have given to them? I can never get any of that back. I will never have my heart fully back, as cheesy as it sounds, because part of it is left in the DR. And the Lord says, "I have much more to give you than this." And He is faithful to fulfill His word and His promise.